Reclaiming the Non-Work Day
For years, I have worked a half day on a Monday. For a few years before that, I didn't even work the Monday at all. If I didn't have kids, that would be amazing. But I do have kids, and small ones. I just couldn't work a full day, and we didn't want to (or were able to) put them into childcare, so I've taken some hours from work and, instead, looked after the children.
I really didn't want to work that half day at all. It was so much fun just being a parent. It was great. I could give the kids my full attention. But reality struck and our money reserves dwindled and that extra half day of work really helped to pay the bills.
And now, that half day is mine.
But my way of working is unhealthy. I would work that half day over about ten hours -- I would get up at six in the morning and work until at least four in the afternoon. I would work whenever the kids would let me, and sometimes that wasn't much. My focus was shattered. My ability to work on big problems, just gone. And now that I am on my own, with a half a day all to myself, I really want that focus back.
But it isn't coming to me.
I have had two weeks to date where I have had a half day of work, and the rest of it all mine. The first week was amazing. I got up at 5:40am, worked like a demon, and by 10am I was all finished. My day was finished by the time of a Sunday sleep in! I cleaned my shed in preparation of fixing up my home gym. It was an exhausting, thoroughly enjoyable day. And at the end of it, I had something to show for it.
But this week, things had slowed down. I slept in. I felt sluggish. I had the same sense of dread and anxiety that I had whilst working with the kids in tow. It took me all day to finish my work. The work was good work, I'm proud of it ... but it wasn't my work.
So I didn't have that same sense of pride, of accomplishment, that I had the first week. I had the sense that, if I don't change anything, my life will slip me by. This half day won't last forever. Soon the money needs will return and I'll need to work a full day. If I don't make the most of what I have, then what I have won't be much.
How do I turn that around?
It's interesting to me, because I also work a half day on a Friday. (Oh, let me tell you the joy of only working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday! How I almost cried when I had to give it up!) On Friday, the vibe is different. Firstly, I still have a child with me so the sense that I am going to do anything for myself is completely gone. I'm working, and I'm being a parent. That's it. The second thing, is because it is at the end of the week I have banked up a bunch of work that I know I can do, that won't tax my frazzled brain.
Monday doesn't have that advantage. There are few things that can wait until the next week, and I am at the mercy of what comes through on the weekend. I can't change the workings of the week, I'm stuck with that. So what to do?
The first thing that comes to me is obvious: there are plenty of things that can wait until next week. I can batch these up and prepare for them, and then execute them on Monday. And then anything that comes through over the weekend can be dealt with, and the rest of the time I have already prepared, and just have to do it.
That makes Friday harder, because these are the things I do on Friday. The problem hasn't been solved, it's been redirected. But, on the flip side, I don't have the expectation of having a good time on Friday. I expect a lot of hard work from all directions.
This "thinking via words" has generated a few ideas:
Time management is key, as boring as it is.
Hard focus at the end of the week could mean more free time at the start of the next week.
What do I actually want to do with this free time? Perhaps that is the bigger problem: it might be easier to work than it is to enjoy myself.
A few things to ponder, especially point 3 -- I hadn't considered the idea that I might be afraid of free time. Perhaps I am addicted to work, addicted to stress, addicted to anxiety. I'm not sure how true that is, I suspect it is just a bad habit more than anything. But, one thing is certain ...
... Bring on next Monday!