The Lollypop People
I don't know what you call the people that hold up stop signs at roadwork sites, but we call them "lollypop people". Their job is to hold the sign that says "Stop" or "Slow". I don't know if it is an easy job, but it's a simple one.
Lately, I've been having trouble with them.
I don't know why they have gotten so bad at it. I suspect it is because all the roadwork crews are now privatised and the one that has the contract for my area is just pathetic. That's the only thing I can think of, because it's quite alarming just how bad things have gotten.
There are potholes on the road near our house. They've been there for months. The roadwork crews fix them up, then it rains, then they come back, and then they fix them up again. Why don't they fix them properly? No idea but, again, I think this is because they are all private companies and why get paid to fix something once when you can get paid every few months for the same job?
But the other day, my partner said there was a workman spray-painting the potholes to mark them for fixing. He didn't even have a lollypop person warning traffic. He was just there, right after a blind corner, with a can of spray paint. How mad! At least put up a sign, or park your truck so you won't get turned into roadkill. But, no, that would make too much sense. And I think that logic is pervasive. Why be safe? Why be safe for yourself? Why be safe for others?
Which, of course, is insane. You're spraypainting something that you already know needs to be fixed. You don't need to spraypaint it. You can make a note in your little system that tells you when to fix the hole. (The hole is spray-painted with 'May', by the way. So they came out in January to make a note on the road that it won't be fixed before May.) Obviously they know the holes are there or else the man wouldn't be spray-painting them. So why come at all? Just make a note to come and fix them. Seems bizarre. But, again, they can probably charge the council a call-out fee for sending out a man to do some spray-painting. Maybe they need some extra authority to send a second man to hold up the lollypop sign, which the council wouldn't sign off on -- after all, why pay for a guy to spray paint a date on a road when an excel spreadsheet can hold the same date and the same GPS coordinates?
I don't know this is the case. I just suspect. Because the other reason is that these people are all stupid and willingly stand on a road with no safety gear just to write a month with spraypaint.
Or maybe the word 'May' is deceptive. Maybe it means they may fix it. Or maybe May's the woman that's going to do the resurfacing and they want to tell her where to turn up. She just keeps driving until she sees her name on the road. Who knows.
That same day, on a different stretch of road, I faced my own lollypop person. This was a single lane section and there was just the one person holding the sign; the other direction of traffic could flow freely. Fine, they were clearly doing something up ahead. A few minutes later, the man with the sign stepped away and we could drive on -- directly onto hot bitumen.
Workmen stood and waved at us and the road. Their intention was clear: don't drive on the hot bitumen. No shit. But there was no option other than to drive into the other lane of traffic to avoid it... So why wasn't there two lollypop people directing traffic? It's pretty standard, isn't it? One stands at one end, the other at the opposite, and they control the traffic so cars don't crash into each other. Surely that's the whole point? But, no, just drive over lava, you'll be right.
But there have been other problems.
The worst was on the same stretch of road where my partner nearly ran into the spray-painting worker. There was a work truck blocking the road. There was a person standing where the lollypop person would stand, completely disinterested. There was a lollypop resting against the truck, upside down, with "Slow" clearly displayed.
Fine, I thought. I drove around --
-- and then the person waved her arms around in a panic that I didn't stop.
How confusing! It's almost as though they should have an implement to hold to tell drivers when it was safe to stop or safe to drive slow. Perhaps a sign. Perhaps a sign with the words stop and slow. Perhaps they could hold it so it's obvious.
Again: I've never done the job ... but it is a simple job, isn't it? You hold a sign and you control the traffic. You don't need to overthink it. You just need to think it. Thinking is enough. That's too hard, apparently.
The last incident involved a person holding the lollypop sign, and this time it was held quite clearly and it was displaying slow. So I drove through. Then the person waved the sign around my car like a crazy person, as though I was doing something wrong. I have no idea what, but they were clearly annoyed with me. Was I driving too slow? Not slow enough? Was I actually supposed to stop and they held the sign the wrong way? I don't know, but the aggression was clear.
What's the point of all this? Clearly it is just a rant. I just find it all bizarre. But the solution is clear...
... I should just catch the train.